Passover laugh while cleaning

Passover, or Pesach as it is called in Hebrew, is the 8 day festival where the Jews celebrate their liberation from Egypt more than a thousand years ago. One of the most important features of this freedom festival is that the Jews cannot eat anything that is leavened. They eat unleavened bread.

They must also make sure that no bread crumbs exist in or around the house: the cupboards, the drawers, the kitchen, behind the bed, under the refrigerator and anywhere else where crumbs might have fallen through. To ensure that the house is clean of leavened food materials, the Jews have to clean the entire house from top to bottom as thoroughly as possible. And they do. During the week before Passover, house cleaning is what goes on in most Jewish houses. To answer this demand and to ease the tension, here is a joke on this subject called Impossible Timing, which highlights this cleaning tension.

Impossible Timing:

Samuel, an observant Jew, who was also a financial wizard, left Brooklyn to accept the position of Vice President in a famous broker firm in Utah, which is well known for being a Mormon state.

When they learned this, the company's directorate applied tremendous pressure on the company's president. "We are religious people here," they said. "It can't be that a Jew will handle all our money."

The president tried to ward them off, but when he couldn't manage it anymore, he called Samuel to his office and explained the situation to him. Samuel was offered the choice of either converting or leaving the attractive job which also had a six figure salary quote attached to it.

Samuel had no choice but to convert, and he went home and told his wife that from Sunday, they will start attending the Church services.

A few months went by and his wife kept troubling Samuel about the conversion. "This is too difficult for me. I miss the Sabbath: lighting candles and blessing the wine. I miss the holidays. Money is not everything, Samuel dear."

And with each time that his wife complained, Samuel's conscience increased until he could not take it anymore and he went to meet the company's President.

"Look, I can't go on like this," Samuel said. "I am full of regret. Money is not everything. I can't sleep and neither can my wife. This is too heavy a burden for me to carry. I was born a Jew and I want to die a Jew. And if you want me to quit, I will without making any trouble."

The President looked at him in wonder, "Listen, Samuel, I had no idea that this was so difficult for you. I thought it was a trivial matter. But you don't have to leave. Everything will be the same as before: you can stay here with us without converting.

Samuel returned home happy and grinning from ear to ear. He ran to his wife, who was watching Ricky Lake, "You won't believe it! It's a miracle. We are going back to being Jews, and I still retain my job."

His wife looked at him with eyes that spat fire, and said," Are you mad?"

Samuel was shocked. "But I thought that this is what you wanted!" He cut in. "All this while you have been crying and complaining. Don't you wish to go back to becoming a Jew""

His wife looked at him with ever more fury, "Of course I want to. Of course I want to," she said. "But now? Only a week before Passover?"

How to house a successful online business

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It is worth taking the time to make your site more search engine friendly, because it will bring you profit and appropriate exposure. Here are some simple advices on building successful web site for your online business.

How to build search engine friendly website? You can find plenty material when browsing the Internet, but a good foundation cannot sabotage your online initiative. A search engine friendly site is not just beneficial for top ranking in the search engines, but also helps to attract customers, thus getting business for you.

Before designing a site, make sure you have got a good domain name. The Domain name is your URL or Universal Resource Locator as in what a person types into the search engine bar like yoursite. com and others. Hypothetically, if your business is related to something like ruleta then it is good to have the word "ruleta" included into the domain name separated by dashes from other words or numbers. Generic domain names may help in search engine listing. It will be easier to find the sequence of words within a domain name directly related to the main idea of your business.

Make your site content based with at least two hundred words holding clear information of your products, services and business. This will help your potential customer to know about you and get some information on products they require. Apart from verbal description, you might use web design attributes to underline your point. Please do not startle the visitor of your web site with blinking texts, shocking colors and confusing animations on the web pages. The website must have a clean look so that the web visitor will feel relaxed to get all relevant information about your services, otherwise, he will shut it down within a minutes.

Keep the site simple and easy to navigate. Complicated navigation will confuse the visitors. The navigation must be user-friendly and easily understood by the visitors. If you search through search engine results, you will find all the top ranking websites are optimized properly. These optimized websites make their presence felt in the search engines by making their site user friendly with good navigation, content texts, and Meta tags relevant to their websites, and having proper placed images. Why shouldn't you use such simple tool like navigation at your favorite?

News relevant to your site is also a great way to bring in traffic. Many people nowadays get their news online and not just world news. Maybe someone wants to read about the gambling bill that was passed in congress recently to ban money transfers to and from online casinos, a great advantage to having news on your page is that if it is well written piece of writing, other news sources like Yahoo and Google may take your masterpiece and put a link to it from their site. This would give you thousands of hits, and that is the goal.

While designing your website, the most important thing to remember your website is not to trick search engines by adding hidden texts or hidden links, irrelevant keywords or text, or very small text which is hardly visible for human eyes. Google usually punishes these websites by giving them low rank or sometimes removing them forever.

If you incorporate all these tips when building your website I can guarantee it will make your job much easier, no one wants to build a site and then find out they need to star over from scratch, because every day offline is potential money lost.

Use the above suggestions and utilize them into your company website in order to guarantee you stop losing money that you could be making.

How to get your husband to cancel his weekly poker game

Over the past few years it always bothered me that my husband would go play poker with his friends every Friday night. Whenever I complained that it would be nice to spend time with my husband on Friday, he just complains that this is the only time he gets to be with his friends.

I decided I had to come up with a way to make him choose me over his poker buddies so I tried many different things, at first I tried by asking him to stay home so we could have sex all night. That worked a few times but then he caught on to what I was doing.

I also tried finding different events that he may want to go to like action movies, car shows and other things of that nature but there were not always things to do, so that was another failed attempt.

But after 6 months of trying I had just about given up, finally at my wits end I decided that maybe I could get real good fast I could challenge him to a game and if I won he had to stop going to his game, and if he won I would pay for him to go to Vegas I spent every spare moment I had reading everything I could find online about Texas Holdem. Eventually I decided to go online and practice at some Video Poker.

Eventually I started playing for real cash Online, and once or twice while he was at his game I would drive to one of the local casinos and play for a few hours in their poker rooms.

Finally I felt I was good enough to make the challenge. So one night I told him that I wanted him to stop going to his Friday night games and to stay home with me, as I had expected it started a big argument. I waited until he made his speech about working hard and needing some “guy” time.

So I felt this was my time to strike, I asked him if he would at least allow me to come and watch the game, to which he replied that players only as the rule and that since I did not know how to play I could not go.

So I said if he could do it how hard can it be that really got him going, so he then asked me if I wanted to make the game a little interesting with a little bet. Now I had exactly what I wanted.

I said if he won I would pay for him to go to Las Vegas alone, he did not know I had made some good money playing poker recently, and if I won he would give up his seat in his regular Friday night game.

He looked at me suspiciously at first and I thought he was not going to risk it but he said ok. He ran to the closet and grabbed his chips we each started of with $100 in chips and agreed the first one out is the loser.

Well in the end it was me that lost, but he was so excited at how good I was that he did stop going to his Friday night game, now every Friday night we go and play together at the casino. We have been doing this for 2 years now and our relationship has never been this good.

Sometimes it really is better to try to get interested in his hobby.